What is 'Gay'?
- Most people would say that 'gay' is the opposite of 'straight'.
- But the nature of sexuality is very complicated and does not lend itself to such simple explanations. We are still capable of forming strong bonds with our own gender
such as straights forming close bonds with their own buds and gays with the opposite gender. The term sexuality does not begin to cover the situation, and is misleading in its emphasis on sex. The
main aspect of orientation is love and affection; hence one prefers sex with a loved one.
Homo! Fag! Sissy! Queer! Pervert!
- If you are gay, or even falsely perceived as such, you will hear comments like this constantly. It can be a nightmare for some gay guys who are facing homophobes. This
kind of name baiting is especially pronounced in the teen years. In my high school and others, I hear such comments regularly, not directed towards me, but to the openly gay guys. Such comments
invariably come from other "straight" teen males who are insecure in their own sexuality -they are really fighting their own feelings that they don't yet understand by trying to put up a macho front.
- It's not only gays that are hated by some. We all know that racial, religious, and ethnic backgrounds are also given as a few of the many reasons people find for hate.
You don't have to make excuses or shy away from being gay. No matter what they say to you, you are not what they think you are. You are yourself; you are a unique individual; you have much good to
offer. Be yourself and make no excuses for it, none are needed. You are what you are and that aint bad. We all have the right to occupy a small space on this planet.
Suicide
- I feel some degree of familiarity with this topic having once seriously contemplated suicide myself. It happened a few years ago. I was beginning to realize I was gay
and would grow out of it –a common misconception. I struggled with coming out to my older brother who I idolized, and who was straight. We were close and I felt that he would continue to love me as
he always had. I never got the chance to tell him. Walking along the side of the road one late evening, he was struck by a car driven by a drunk driver and rushed to the hospital in critical
condition. My parents and my younger bro were beside the hospital bed and I was holding Matt's hand when he died. I could not let go. His best friend Zak was also there and Zak had to pry my fingers
away from Matt to take me home –but I don't remember any of that.
- After that I didn't want to live anymore: the realization that I was gay and the loss of my brother brought the world crushing down on me. Much depression. I
contemplated suicide. Fortunately I hinted at this to Zak –a smart move on my part. He helped me realize a lot of things about myself and reinforced all my strengths. He saved my life I'm sure. One
thing I learned from this was to tell someone close to you if you ever get to the point where you are seriously contemplating suicide. It can make all the difference in the world.
- After this, Zak suggested I get on irc chats in some gay groups to get positive feedback from some of the guys that hang there. One thing I learned is that it is not
all positive . I was a regular and an op on #gayboysex on Efnet before the channel self destructed through flame wars and takeovers. I felt at home there and gained much support from fellow gay teens.
- For some reason, a lot of guys on #gbs came to me for advice –even guys older than I was when I started (14). There were three boys over a period of a few years that I
helped talk out of suicide. In one case I was up half the night; afraid to leave irc until I got him calmed down enough to want to talk to me more the next evening. These three guys are now going on
with their lives and two of them have boyfriends now and are happy. Time can often change everything –so give yourself some time. Each of these boys credited me for saving their lives. I don't know
if I did or not, but I'm so happy they were able to talk to me about it and that I was able to reinforce what was so great about each of them.
- So again, talk to someone first; let them talk you out of it. Let them listen.
- Suicide is not the answer, it is defeat, an admission that 'they' were right. It only encourages the hate mongers to commit more 'murders by suicide' in the knowledge
that they cannot be held legally accountable.
- If your situation is intolerable, then you must get out of that situation. Straight bullies, unsupportive families, damning churches, and oppressive laws have driven
many gays to thoughts of suicide at some time in their lives. A third of all teen suicides are gay teens that could find no way out. Those who have survived and the loved ones of those who didn't are
here to offer their help. There are almost 5000 web sites that deal with gay teen suicide. Simply do a search of: "gay teen suicide prevention"
If you are a survivor
- If you are a survivor and have lived through thoughts of suicide, you know how overwhelming the drive to self-destruction can be. You can also share your story in the
hopes that it can help persuade other teens to seek another direction. You know what you are talking about having lived through it as I did. I have shared my story with you above. I would love it if
you would share your story with me and my website visitors. Peace.
Please give us your help, email us your story and how you pulled through.
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