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Hi Chad
Nice to have someone to take interest. Well I am 17, and live in the U.S.
Ummm, the University Of Mississippi is here if that helps you find the
location
better.
Anywho, I'm out to a few friends but things have really changed since they
know even though they say it doesn't bother them. I try not to be flamboyant
but I'm just me, I
am tired of pretending.
The school that I go to is 571 people in grades K-12 and there are only 19
seniors to give you an idea at how small my school is. Most people in my
class can tell I
suppose, some of them make comments but most have stopped because I've gotten pretty quick at the tounge to reply to them which is
another habbit i think i should stop.
I have been with a
guy, well in all out honestly, 7 guys. I thought I might
or could have a real relationship but we lived an hour and one half apart so it
just didn't work out, I guess I went through the super
slut phase, and I'm
out of it now.....I just want someone to hold and to love me with how much I
love them.
The town I live in is pretty small, and people talk a lot so I have to
be
careful.
I think my parents have a clue, I did buy a Cher Doll after all, lol, but I
am afraid to bring it up. It should be okay with my mom because her sister
is a lesbian, but my dad
is this hardcore country asshole and we don't get
along very well.
I've thought about suicide a lot, I've tried it twice but it just didn't
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"I've thought about suicide a lot..."
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work. The first time I told my best guy friend when we were drunk and I sucked him off and them when the alcohol started wearing off, he was going crazy about
it, so I locked myself in my car and drank a liter of vodka. I really don't remember too much, but when I woke up I was at his house and his mom being a nurse
had taken me to the clinic she works at and gave me charcoal or something like that. We are really good friends now, he is one of the few I can actually trust.
The second time I was home and I was just feeling really depressed and
thinking about all my friends having someone to be with and I'm just home
all by myself. I had popped a months supply of accutane in my hand and my
best friend Emily had called who lives in Jackson (3hrs away). We don't get
to see each other that much, but we met on a leadership trip to Washington
dc and she knows about me and i've been to her house to stay a weekend
before. Anwyays, just trying to let you know who who is .....I was sitting
there crying and everything and she called and I guess she knew something
was wrong and I just told her that I was sorry and please don't hate me and
some other stuff, well she called my house and left over thirty something
messages on my answering machine each with a reason that I am a good person and a great friend to her. Even though I don't like her in the sexual type way it really touched me so i just backed off.
Sometimes I have really great weeks and sometimes others just suck. I guess
so far this week sucks because this guy I have been talking to on the
phone/internet for almost a year is being a total dickhead to me now.
Well I am sorry for taking up so much of your time, I really apprecaite you
talking to me though. Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated.
Justin
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