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By Tyler
 He was gorgeous, hazel eyes, curly black hair…he was the man that every
person at Smithsonian High School wanted and dreamed of. Nothing short of a
god, that's what I referred to him as every time my friends and I talked of
him; God. Sam, Katherine, and all the other girls that grew up with him told
me he was straighter than an arrow and that my gaydar had to be messed up.
But I saw something in him, something that I knew to well…I saw in him what
I had myself only a few years before. That want, that need to come out to
everyone and be loved by someone that you wanted to love back.
I didn't necessarily mean to trip him in the hall…and I didn't necessarily
mean to bend over and help him pick up his books. His body, all slender six
feet of it, was hunched over picking up his Geometry books, papers, and
folder. We both were heading for Geometry and knew that our little incident
in the hall would cause us to both be late. We had never spoken before this
occasion and all we had said so far was, "I'm sorry! Let me help you pick
those up." "No, its ok I got it." "I insist." I purposely picked up his
folder ,and so he didn't see, put it with my stuff. Gratefully he didn't
notice and must have thought it was just one of my folders. I had a plan, I
knew that we would have homework, and I knew Jacob would have to use his
folder.
I walked about 3 feet behind him to Geometry class. We didn't care if we
were late. The bell sounded and he picked up the pace a little bit. Our walk
to Geometry was silent, but every now and then I saw him glace back to make
sure I hadn't left. Only about a minute late, we walked into Geometry class.
He sat down, and I took my seat behind and to the side of him, a perfect
seat to gaze into his beauty. I pulled out his light blue Geometry folder
and looked at it, my plan still in mind. He had gorgeous handwriting; I was
getting excited just seeing that. I picked up my pencil, but decided to use
pen instead, I couldn't change my mind and erase pen marks later. I checked
to make sure that he wasn't missing his folder yet, he wasn't. I quickly
wrote down on the front page of the notes he would need later tonight: "Be
at the gym tomorrow at 5:30 for a quick work out." Would he do it? Would he
even know who wrote that? Deciding that he wouldn't I quickly wrote "Ty"
beside the comment hoping to infuriate his curiosity more and more.
Leaving class for lunch, I dropped his blue folder on his desk and quickly
mumbled "Sorry Jacob, I must of picked it up when I helped you with your
books." We quickly left for lunch without another word. I could have sworn I
saw a buldge in his camouflaged shorts. His feet were perfect, he wore
flip-flops every day to school so I always got a wonderful stare at them.
His body, so perfect. He had made every varsity team he tried out for this
year, including football and track, he had to be a God, no one had been able
to do this their sophomore year. How could a 15 year old God be perfect?
***********
The next day I was nervous as hell all day long. Geometry class, no sign
that he had even read his message. He had to have read the message though,
his homework, as always, was perfect and there was no way to accomplish this
but to cheat. I walked to the gym as 2:50 rolled around. I knew no one would
be there around 3:00, that's when all the practices would be going on, and
none would be over until 6 or 7 o'clock. I had told mom that I would be home
around that time. I walked into the locker room a little earlier than I had
told Jacob to meet me there. I needed sometime to myself. I had to prepare
for the unlikely, I had to clean myself up a bit just incase something did
happen between us. I stripped down and got into the shower. At 15 I had a
great endowment from the Lord and was not scared to show it, no one else was
in the locker room, but I took a towel with me just in case Jacob came in, I
wouldn't want HIM to see my endowment. Not yet at least. I got out of the
shower and saw that it was around 2:59. I dried off and opened my locker,
that's when I heard it…a bang.
The door hand swung open in the locker room and hit the wall so hard that I
felt chucks of metal and concrete from it hit my face. In the door stood
Jacob, my God. In his hand wasn't gym clothes, and he didn't seem ready to
work out. He seemed ready to kill, ready to kill anyone who crossed his
path. "Are you Ty?" He screamed these words. I meekly answered yes and
blurted out a meek sorry. Thinking he would yell more at me for implying he
was gay and stuff, I turned my head and concentrated on my locker. Instead
of yelling, he just walked closer letting the door shut behind him. "So are
you ready to work out? I've been really angry today and I need to let out
some crap." I couldn't believe my ears, he had no idea that I wanted to be
with him, he just thought I wanted to work out. This was fine with me, we
would get to talk and gradually I'd get it out of him that he wanted me.
We worked out. I can't even remember the exercises we did. We listened to
the radio station and didn't get to talk much. When he did talk, he talked
of his "girlfriend" Kayla. Every time he spoke of her I let a tear drip. Now
I knew he wasn't gay and he thought that I just wanted to be his friend. I'm
glad that sweat was running down my face or he would have noticed the drops
of sadness coming from my eyes. I was ready to leave by 3:30. By then he had
already spoken of Kayla more than three times and I just wanted to leave his
little straight world and be by myself. I hung out around for about thirty
more minutes and told Jacob that I wasn't expected home until 7 but that I
needed to run some errands so I probably needed to go. He said "Well bye
then." Nothing more nothing less. I made my way to the door so I could head
to the locker room, change, and get home. I had no plans of errands, I only
had plans to go home and sob for a while. It had been so long since I had
had someone, I was desperate and depressed. I was hoping that maybe my
gaydar wasn't wrong and that he would actually come on to me. I was hoping
for the unreachable. I was hoping that the star athlete, the God, would like
me. Instead he just spoke of Kayla and how bad he wanted to get head from
her and fuck her. I grasped the door handle of the weight room and heard his
voice. "Tyler I want to talk to you."
********
I gasped. He…wanted to talk to me? I felt my shorts getting tighter and
tried to control myself. In gym shorts he'd definitely see the hard on that
was forming. He told me to sit down, and I did. "Tyler, have you ever felt,
different? I know it's a funny question to ask you, but I know that you've
been through a lot and I know that you are good with problems and stuff. I
hear you helping Katherine out with her problems in Geometry all the time.
You give some great advice and so I just wanted your help. That's why I came
today. I've heard your gay and stuff, and I knew that you had written the
note, I don't know exactly why you wrote it, but I just came so I could talk
to someone that would understand and not tell people about it." I told him
that I fully understood and that he could always talk to me about stuff. I
went back to his original question.
"Yea, Jake I do sometimes feel different. Why?"
"Tyler, I told you all about Kayla today. I don't really like her. I was
just putting on a show for you. Sometimes I feel like I have to, oh never
mind. Its stupid."
"You mean you feel like you have to make your friends like you by saying
stuff about girls like that?"
"Yea kind of."
"Kind of?"
"Tyler, can I ask you another question?"
"Sure Jake."
"Are you gay?"
I hadn't been asked this question in forever. I had been out of the closet
for months now. I didn't go around telling everyone that I was gay, but I
guess I just assumed that everyone knew by now. At this time I had no idea
what he was getting at? Was he going to come out to me? Or was he just going
to change the way he was going to word his original question because he
didn't want to offend a gay guy or something? Did he really need friendly
advice or did he want too hook up? What was going through this man's mind?
"Jake, yes, I'm gay. But what does that have to do with you feeling
different."
"Tyler, it matters because that's why I feel different. I had to quit the
football team and track team. I could never come in here and work out or go
to the locker rooms with out getting a hard on. I had to hide out in the
stalls to change and stuff."
"What are you trying to tell me? Are you saying that your gay?"
He burst into tears. I was right. I was finally right about a guy. I knew
that he was gay. I knew it. I walked stepped over and put my arms around his
sweaty body. I hugged him tightly and he sobbed into my chest.
"Yes…I'm gay Tyler."
Over and over he sobbed that into my chest. Barely being able to hear him I
ignored his presence for a moment and then asked a simple but stunning
question to both him and me.
******
"I hate to ask you this right when you first come out Jake, but, since I'm
not expected back anytime soon, would you like to hop on my motorcycle and
go out somewhere?"
"What?…No, I couldn't Tyler, someone would see us together."
"We could go to a park or something, we don't have to be seen."
"Do you mean like a date?"
"Not at all, I just think you need someone to talk to right now."
"Well sure why not, we just have to go somewhere discrete. Thanks a lot
Tyler, you've been a great help."
With that we walked out of the weight room and into the locker room. He was
still crying. As he opened his locker next to mine, I grabbed his hand and
told him that everything was going to be alright. To my surprise he actually
interlocked his fingers with mine. I got a hard on right then and there.
Thinking I knew what he wanted, I stepped closer and got near his face. I
was getting ready to kiss him when he let go of my hand and wrapped his arms
around me in a bear hug.
The perfect moment now broken, we undressed beside each other. He seemed to
have no feelings for me and I apparently showed none towards him. We
showered separately and got dressed. We walked out the locker room door and
headed for my motorcycle. I knew where I wanted to take him. I wanted to
take him to Blind Side Creek. It's my secret spot that no one knows of.
Perfect just to "talk". Quiet, private, and grassy. Soft enough for sleep.
At this time of the year, Jake wore sweaters that were tight to his body,
perfect for the fall weather. Around 4:30 now, the sun was already beginning
to fade. We hoped on my bike and I told him to hold on. He wrapped his arms
around my stomach and held on tight. He didn't let go until we got to the
creek's bridge. I stopped the bike on the side of the bridge and told him
that we would have to go off road with the bike a little into the woods. He
agreed and we set back off. I followed my own beaten path until I saw my
paradise, the grassy null of Blind Side that was dear to my heart.
I got off the bike and he followed. I leaned up against a tree and he
walked towards me. I had no idea what to expect. Jake put his hands on my
body pushing me against the tree as hard as he could. I really thought he
was going to kill me, was he just lying about being gay so he could get it
out of me that I was? Was he going to kill me because I knew he was gay or
was he going to kill me because he knew I was? I was losing breath and
beginning to scream a bit when his lips met mine. We were kissing. My God
and I were kissing for the first time. He released his grip a bit and held
me with two arms against the tree. He pulled back and stopped kissing me.
"Did I hurt you? I'm sorry. Tyler…listen, I have a question for you."
Oh my god, what could he want to ask me? Did he want to have sex here and
now? Or did he just want to start a relationship? What did my God want?
"Shoot, Jake."
*******
"Tyler, would you be my boyfriend?"
He said these words softly, hard to hear in fact. All I could do was ask
"What?" Again he repeated this statement. Lips soft and pink, eyes wide and
hoping.
"Jake, I barely know you. But, yes. Jake you have no…"
He didn't let me finish, he was back on my lips in a lip lock that seemed
to last forever. He released his grip on me and we embraced each other, held
each other in a love that we didn't know of quite yet. All we knew was that
we were gay in a school that didn't accept it. We knew that no matter what
happened to us, we always would have each other. That made our relationship
grow. It made it grow stronger everyday. We were more than buddies who
kissed, more than buddies who fucked around a lot. We were best friends from
the time he had said "I'm gay." Only a few hours earlier the most we had
ever said to each other was "Let me get your books.", and now we were in a
lip lock.
He held me closer than before, his arms around my back. I placed my arms
around his neck and pulled him closer. I could tell he was inexperienced, so
I didn't venture farther than a tongue flick here or there. I finally pulled
away from him after at least three or four minutes of bliss. I asked him if
he would like to talk about "us" being "us". We sat down in the grass and
leaded up against a pair of closely planted pine trees. I could see his
hand, large, muscular, going for mine. I met him in the middle and for the
second time, we interlocked hands.
"Tyler, I have liked you for along time. You know I'm not ready to come out
to everyone. I want to be the best boyfriend to you that I can be, but we
have to keep this a secret. I'm sorry that I have to do this to you.."
I cut him short to tell him that it was ok.
"Jake, its ok. I understand. I will love you just the same whether you are
out to just me or to everyone in the world. I want us to be together for
both of our sakes. I need someone to talk to, and obviously you do to. I
hope that we get to be best of friends as well as best of partners for each
other."
I could see a tear forming in his eye, but I reached over and pecked him on
the lips anyways. I knew that he would be the best thing for me now and in
the long run.
I had to take him back to school so he could meet his mom. Before we left
we exchanged numbers and made up believable stories about how we became best
of friends all of a sudden. Jake was helping me get back in shape. I wasn't
as toned as he was, so this was a believable story for most. After dropping
Jake back off at the school, I waited with him in the lobby until his mom
beeped her horn outside. I grabbed his hand, looked around, and gave him a
kiss on the lips and told him to call me. As he walked away, I felt as the
luckiest person in the world. I took a huge risk to get this far, and it
worked. Oh my God, I'm just now realizing that it actually worked! I left
the school with a smile.
********
I walked into my room right as the phone was ringing. "Damn, that boy moves
quick" I thought as I saw Permery, James on the caller ID.
"Hello?"
"Hi, baby…how are you?"
"Wow, he really does work fast" I thought. What if my mom had picked that
up and he said that? Oh my….
"I'm good…are you missing me already?"
"Yea, hey…I just called to tell you that I'm really glad that we're a
couple now. I wanted to ask you if you would come over to my friend Zach's
house this weekend. He doesn't know that I'm gay, but we can always go off
by ourselves sometime."
I happily agreed, I knew Zach from English class. He was the boy that
everyone thought was a closet case gay boy. He was also one of the druggies
from our school. I knew that he and Jake had played ball together and just
expected a nice time out with a few new people. I took down directions to
Zach's house and told Jake that I would pick him up if he wanted me to. He
agreed and gave me directions to his house as well. I agreed to be there on
Saturday to get him at around 4.
I was ecstatic. The boy of my dreams had asked me out. I agreed and then he
had asked me to go to a party. I immediately went and picked out my hottest
clothes and decided what to wear for Zach's party.
*******
I arrived a bit early to Jake's house. I parked my bike outside his
apartment and beeped about 3 times. I was fairly close to the
apartment
house and I could hear noise coming from the building. I didn't know if it
was just the TV, or just music, but it sounded as if someone was screaming.
I beeped once more. I had been waiting for over five minutes now. I kept
hearing the screaming and yelling. I started to get worried about Jake…what
if something was wrong with him? I approached his apartment door and
knocked. The door flung open.
"Who the fuck are you and what do you want?"
I imagined this must have been Jake's father. I saw Jake on the couch with
his hands over his face.
"What the hell did you do to Jake?" I ran in the room past the boar in
front of me. I fell to my knees and put my hands on Jake.
"Get outta my house kid! Oh my God…get your hands of my son. Get out of my
house!"
He picked me up by the shoulders and literally threw me out the door. I
screamed out Jake's name as I did this. Jake had not spoken the entire time
I was in there. Was he dead? Was he scared to talk? I waited for a few
minutes until I saw his father's shadow fade into the bathroom. I opened the
door and walked over to Jake. I saw what must have been his sister in a
corner crying. She wasn't more than two or three and my heart sank when I
saw the blood running from the right side of her face.
"Jake are you ok baby?"
"Tyler…I'm fine…it's ok…I'm just scared."
"Come on baby, lets go."
"I can't Tyler…my dad will kill me."
"Jake he's too drunk to know that you will be gone."
I pulled Jake up and asked him where his mom was. He told me that she was
gone for the night. I asked if she had a cell phone. He told me she did. I
grabbed his sister and walked Jake and her out to my bike. Jake and his
sister cried the whole way, but I knew they were grateful to be out of that
house. I quickly asked Jake if there was anyone else in there. He told me
that there wasn't.
We were no longer going to Zach's party. We had to go to my house. My mom
would understand. We would call their mom later on and explain things to
her. Lane cried the whole way there. When we got to the house Jake was
nervous to walk in, but we had to get Lane and him cleaned up soon. I barged
in and quickly introduced Jake as my boyfriend to my mom. She looked stunned
when she saw the beating that Jake and Lane had received. With out any
questions she got water and clean towels to clean them both up with. I heard
Rylee, my three year old sister, running down the hall. Nervous around new
people at first, Rylee stood in the shadows. I knew that she wanted to meet
Lane.
I keep kissing Jake and Lane on the forehead as mom helped me get them
cleaned up. Jake was bleeding pretty bad from his ear and Lane from her
face. Jake seemed like he kept coming in and out of consciousness. Lane
wouldn't stop crying. Mom finally got them bandaged up. I had to find out
some info from Jake…did Lane need diapers or medicine, or formula? Why did
his father do this? I asked him these questions. Lane was potty trained and
was weaned from the bottle. He told me that his father found out about me.
So it was my fault? Oh my god, this was my fault.
"Oh my god…this was my fault Jake."
"No Tyler, it was not…he was already drunk when he found our internet
conversations. Tyler listen to me…he's a homophobe. He said that he would
kill me because I was gay. He was obviously too drunk to realize that that
was you he kicked out. If he had known, he would have probably killed you
right then and there. I can't go back there Tyler."
********
I called the cell phone number that Jake had given me for his mom. It rang.
"Hello?" answered a man's voice.
"Is Tina there?"
"May I ask how you are related to Tina?"
"It doesn't matter I just need to speak to her please."
"Son, it does matter. Tina is deceased and we need as much info on her as
possible. She passed away in a drug overdose tonight. I'll ask again. How do
you know Tina?"
I looked at Jake, he looked passed out again. I didn't bother to tell him
the horrible news that someone had just portrayed to me over the phone.
"I'm her son's boyfriend. He was abused by her husband tonight. I took him
and his sister home with me. They are hurt, but are ok."
I told the police my number and house address as well as Jake's. They
promised to call with any new information. They said to keep Jake and
Lane
there until the police could make it over to my house to do official
business.
Jake and Lane were both asleep on my couch by now. It was getting upwards
in the late hours. Jake finally stirred and I knew mother and I had to tell
him about his mother. Was he close to his mom? Would he take it hard?
"Jake baby, we have to talk to you."
"What is it Tyler?"
"Jake, we called your mom's cell phone. A police officer answered the
phone. Jake, your mom passed away tonight. The officer will be here probably
in the morning to talk to you about it. They said she overdosed."
Jake burst into tears and fell on my lap. He grabbed my hand and
interlocked it. Lane still slept. My mom looked at us in disbelief. She knew
we had something and she respected it, what she couldn't believe was the
course of tonight's events. Jake cried himself to sleep that night. He feel
asleep holding my hand and sobbing into my legs. I just laid down beside him
and slept the rest of the night there.
At the crack of dawn, large knocks could be heard from the front door. I
jumped up, letting Jake and Lane continue to sleep on the couch, and
answered the door. It was the officer.
"Hello, I suppose you are Tyler?"
"Yes, sir."
"I am Officer Jarvis, may I ask where the children are?"
"Do you mean Jake and Lane? They are asleep on the couch." My mom came out
of her room then and approached the officer and shook his hand. I could see
Jake waking up. He walked up and shook hands with the officer.
"Jake? I'm sorry to be the bearer of the bad news, but we have to talk
about your mother." Jarvis said this so calmly.
"It's ok officer."
Jake and Jarvis talked at the kitchen table for hours. Jarvis took pictures
of Jake and Lane's body wounds. He said that they had visited the apartment
last night and took Jake's father in on two counts of suspected child abuse
and 3 counts of drug possession. They talked of funeral arrangements, of
property laws, of child custody. Here is where my mom chimed in. She offered
to keep Jake and Lane. My mom offered to keep my boyfriend here. Surprised
at this, the officer agreed, he said that they could stay until a suitable
family member was found or guardianship was signed over. Guardianship signed
over? Would that mean that mom would be a legal guardian of Jake and Lane?
Jake smiled at this, my mom smiled, I smiled. The best thing in the world
was happening. Jake was separated from his abusive father and put with me. I
thanked God silently.
By Tuesday, the cremation was over and the ashes buried in a cemetery. No
services were held and the only family known was contacted. They lived in
northern Canada and were thrilled to hear that Jake had found someone to
live with. Jakes father had a fit in jail when they told him who he was
staying with. Mom asked them to try and get him to sign guardian forms. He
wouldn't. In trail Monday Jake's father's trail date was set for three
months in advance. This meant that Jake and Lane would be with us for at
least three more months. His father had no family here therefore had no one
to make bail for him. Jake was mine.
Mother let us sleep together, but we promised not to have sex. We respected
this. We would cuddle and kiss, and occasionally touch each other, but we
respected what rules my mother sat down for us. Jake needed his sleep
anyways, after losing a father and a mother in the same day, he needed
sleep. We both returned to school Tuesday. Everyone knew about Jake's
mother. It was in the papers. What everyone didn't know was that Jake and I
were living together, or even dating. We kept this a secret. Now that we
were together almost 24/7 we didn't need to go out…therefore we never ran
the risk of getting caught. Over the next few weeks, we feel in love. We
talked all the time. I knew that I loved him and he appeared to love me
back. We loved each other's presence. My mom loved us together. After
tragedy struck Lane and Jake, Jake had found love and comfort. Lane was
already calling my mom "Mom" and everything felt right. And everything was
right, until the next week.
*******
I had a Key Club meeting and I told Jake that I would be late to the
lockers today to meet him to ride home. He said that he'd be waiting there
at 3:10 when the meeting let out. I walked into Key Club and noticed that a
sign in the room said the meeting was canceled. I casually walked back to
the lockers to meet Jake. He wasn't there yet so I went to the restroom.
After school usually all the bathrooms are locked but the ones beside our
lockers, the main bathrooms. I walked in and dropped my books on the floor
as I gasped. In Jake's arms was Zach…they were kissing passionately. Zach
was sitting on the countertop and Jake was standing in front of him holding
his body close to Zach's. Shocked, surprised, afraid, and angry I ran out of
the bathroom. I didn't bother to pick up the books that I had left lying on
the floor. I ran and I felt tear drops rolling from my eyes. I ran to the
only place that gave me comfort. I ran to the band room hoping that Mr.
Parham, the only teacher who knew of Jake and me, would be there to give me
some words of wisdom.
I ran through the double doors into the band room. Mr. Parham wasn't there.
I felt myself sliding down his door into a ball of tears on the floor. I
banged the ground and screamed out at the top of my lungs. I couldn't
believe that the person I had loved so much the past month could do
something like this to me. Did he not care that I took him in at his time of
need? Did he not care that we had plans to grow up together? Did he not care
that I loved him? Did he still love me? Did he just make a huge mistake or
were he and Zach something that was going on behind my back for a while? I
heard doors open, I saw Jake.
"Tyler…wait…get up…don't cry"
"Fuck you Jake! What do you mean don't cry…I thought we had something Jake!
Was is all a lie? What was it?"
"I made a mistake baby, I love you and you know it."
"I used to know it Jake, now I have no idea! What am I supposed to think
when I find you entangled with another boy?"
"You are supposed to realize that I made a mistake." After he said this he
walked closer sat on the floor beside me and put my books down that I had
left in the bathroom.
"A mistake? How could you just make the mistake of making out with Zach?
How long has this been going on?"
"Tyler, it wasn't a mistake…I meant to do this…"
"Damn right you did." I interrupted.
"This was the first time Tyler, I promise. We saw each other in the
bathroom. Tyler…I needed something. I needed to be kissed. We haven't kissed
passionately in so long. You are always afraid that your mom will kick me
out or something. The past few nights all we've done is lie in bed
together."
"I'm sorry Jake, I'm sorry."
"No Tyler, I'm sorry." With this he hugged me…I could never forgive him for
this. Was he telling the truth? Was I not putting out anymore? I know that I
hadn't let him have sex with me, as much as he had tried to. I knew now that
I needed to give him everything he wanted. I loved Jake, he was the only
thing that mattered to me. And now, I felt like nothing, I meant nothing to
him. He said I did, but if I truly meant something to him, he would have
never kissed Zach.
I didn't want to be hugging this monster. I just wanted to ride. I wanted
to get on my bike and ride. I told Jake to call mom and ride home with her
and tell her that I decided to ride my bike back a little early. I pushed
him off in anger and ran out to my bike.
I mounted it and rammed the bike up. I pushed on the gas and was off. I
rode down to the creek, pushing 80 in a 40 MPH zone. I pushed that bike to
its limits that day…I turned the corner. The last thing I remember is
hearing the chopper. I had missed the corner and hit the rock face straight
on with my bike. I remember blood flying and hearing the crack of bones, I
remember flying up in that helicopter and I remember the paramedic's worried
faces. I passed out after that, I remember saying a prayer of longing for
heaven. I remember every word of that prayer I said then:
"God, forgive me for all the wrongs I've made. I forgive Jake Lord. Please
keep him safe. Keep Lane, my mom, and my Jake in your hands always. I love
you Lord. Amen."
I expected to wake up in heaven. I woke up to beeps of a heart monitor. I
remember screaming out in pain of not being in heaven. I didn't want to face
the world anymore, especially without Jake being there. I opened my eyes and
the devil was standing there. Jake was looking over my body with tears in
his eyes mumbling "I love you" over and over. He had my hand in his. I had
no idea what the extent of the damage was. All I knew was that I would die
from hatred if I saw any more of Jake. He caused all of this. I didn't want
to see him. Yes, I forgave him, but I didn't want to see the person who
caused me so much emotional pain, and now physical pain. I fell back onto my
pillow and pretended to be asleep, I heard Jake saying he thought he had saw
me stir. I finally feel asleep again hoping to wake this time in heaven, not
back on the hell of earth.
I awoke at what must have been midnight. My hand was still being held by
the devil himself. Jake had his hand on mine and his futon right beside the
bed. I could see my mom lying on the chair with Lane on the other side of
the hospital room. I released Jakes hand and tried to sit up. I was so weak.
I moved the hand that wasn't casted and pressed the nurse button. She was
immediately there and I asked short simple questions.
"How badly am I hurt?" "How long have I been here?"
She answered after waking the family. Jake was first to my bed, apologizing
over and over again for any pain he had caused me. This only made me feel
worse. They explained everything, I had fractured my spine, broken my skull,
had multiple concussions, was in and out of a coma for about 3 days, and had
a broken arm. I had withstood 5 surgeries already.
Jake took my hand again and apologized for everything. Again. I didn't want
to hear it. I didn't believe anything that he said. He was a liar and I knew
it. I could never trust his word again. I told him to let go of my hand and
let me talk to my mother. I saw him start to cry. He ran out of the room. I
must have hurt his lying ass pretty bad. My mom walked over and kissed me on
the cheek. She cried for a while and told me she loved me. After this, I
feel back asleep, later to find out that I had slipped back into a coma.
********
I awoke on my couch. I didn't remember anything. The last memory I had was
hearing my mom tell me she loved me. I couldn't have slept this long. Was it
still the same day? Did I slip into another coma? I saw the news on the TV.
It was November 12th. My birthday. Lane walked by and I said hello to her.
She jumped and screamed and ran into my mother's room. After about two
minutes my mom ran in and hugged me violently. I asked her the only question
I could think of. Where's Jake?
"Oh, Tyler…I'm so sorry, Jake is at the movies."
"At the movies? With who?!"
"Tyler calm down. Your going to get upset. I just need you to sit up and
eat baby."
"No mom! Who is Jake with!?"
"Tyler, he's out with Zach tonight."
My heart sunk again. I was mad at him the day I told him to leave my
hospital room. That had to be at least a week ago. When I woke, all I wanted
to see was him and his continual love for me. But he was with Zach. Why?! I
cried. I sobbed.
I cried while mom explained that Zach and Jake were now seeing each other.
And I cried while mom caught me up on local events. I cried until Jake came
home. Then I yelled. I yelled and I threw things. I threw my water bottle at
him. I threw coasters at him. I knew I still loved him or else I wouldn't be
doing this. I fell into my pillow sobbing.
Jake walked over sat down beside me and whispered into my ear…
"Tyler, I'm sorry baby. I should have never kissed Zach. It was wrong. I
needed someone then Tyler. Now Zach and I were dating Tyler. I don't know
how it really happened, but I do know that I don't love him. I don't feel
for him the love I feel for you. Its not because your hurt Tyler, I'm not
giving you a pity speech…Tyler I really love you. I loved you ever since you
told me that it was ok to be gay and ok to be different. I don't like Zach
Tyler. Yea, he gives me sex, he gives me what I wanted from you. But that's
only half of what I wanted baby, I want a relationship and Zach doesn't give
me that. Tyler I made a mistake…I know now that I should have respected you
and your desire to keep your mother's wants. Tyler I'm so sorry. I want you
to know that I broke up with Zach today. The only reason I went out with him
was to make myself feel better. You kicked me out of your hospital room when
I loved you the most, and I just needed someone to hold, someone to tell me
it was alright. Tyler, I don't love Zach, I love you. And I want you to be
with me forever."
I was crying, I held Jake in my hands. I kissed him.
"I love you too Jake, and I always will. I forgive you…" I felt myself
slipping away. I no longer could see Jake. I felt like I was swirling
through space.
"I'm sorry Ms. Turner, Jake…but…Tyler has passed on."
******
I made the worst mistake. I basically killed Tyler. When every thing was
alright again, he passed.
Jake didn't last long after Tyler past away. He went back to Zach and got
some of the worst drugs available. The day after Tyler's funeral, Jake was
found dead at the cemetery next to Tyler's grave. He had a dozen in his
hand. A single flower was fake in those dozen. A note was attached to these
flowers.
"Tyler, I will love you until the last flower in this bouquet dies. I love
you. Jake."
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