Hello I am Andrew and I am 17. I was reading about being a survivor to the thought of suicide and decided to write to you about my experience. I have not yet came out to my parents but have recently came out to some of my friends.

My story starts back 4 years ago when I was 13 in 2004. It was a rough time because I started to disagree with the way my parents were doing things. My older sisters friend 'Lindsay' (Which happened to be her girlfriend I just never knew), my younger sister, and I were playing truth or dare. It was Lindsay's turn and she says 'Andrew truth or dare?' I reply with 'Dare!!!'. She says 'Come on pick truth!'. We argue you for 5 mins then I finally say 'Fine truth!'.

She replies with 'Andrew what do you think about gay people'. I respond with (I knew I was gay but I didn't want to admit to myself that I was gay)'It's not my choice to determine how other people live their lives and who do I think I am to judge other people?' ( I was a very mature 13 year old.) Later in the night she tells me she's gay and that she's dating my sister, I was happy with this because I loved Lindsay as a sister a lot.

Later down the road my sister came out to me. Now here is where it gets ugly. I was accused by my parents of sleeping with Lindsay because we became close friends but not that close. I denied it. My parents then go to my sister and say 'We don't want Andrew seeing Lindsay anymore cause she sleeping with Andrew' my sister replies 'No he's not'. They ask 'How do you know this?' She then says 'Because I'm sleeping with her.'

This tore a rift between my family and my sister and I was no longer allowed to speak with Lindsay which killed me. I started thinking about what it'd be like to not have to worry about anything. I wouldn't have to worry about coming out, parents excepting me, friends excepting me, or being hurt again.

I start grabbing knives holding them against my wrist and thinking one slice! My father had a sword collection and I started looking at them and I never put one back the right way. My mother came to me and asks me if I'm trouble and if I'm trying to commit suicide. I deny it. I realized that I loved my friend more then anything and my parents can't take that away from me. So I just took it one day at a time.

My advice is find something you want, find something that will pull you forwards. Take it one day at a time. The day you decide you want to go through with it. Try and go one more day, the next day may be fine. Talk to your friends they will help you. I still have trouble with stress from my parents and the thought does cross my mind and I think it is just not worth it. One more year till I move out and then I will be happy. Till then I will take it one day at a time.


Andrew, 17, Canada