I’m sure we have all had this question on our mind at some point, or are currently wondering if someone else is gay or not. Gaydar or gut feeling is not enough. This is a guide on techniques you could try to determine if he is gay or not. Remember that everyone is different and we don't guarantee these approaches will work -but you can always try.
Approach 1: Befriend
(Most obvious) Become his friend. Once you’re his friend and he is comfortable talking to you, start GAY JOKES!!! lol, tell a gay joke and read his body language. Most super closet guys are either super comfortable with these or uncomfortable. Either he looks away for a second and gives a half reaction (this is a hint [positive point]) or he laughs like it’s the funniest thing ever and continues with it. IF he gives a normal reaction and just continues the joke that is a negative point. Another thing you can do is talk about sex or girls or something to test his sexuality, do this by talking about females (gross for some) and just observe his body language. If his looks down or away or shifts (this could be a negative or a positive) but that’s when you test what he says back. If he gives a forced laugh that’s a positive, and if he says something that the gay mind would never venture to that’s a negative.
Once these have been tried, if the positives outweigh the negatives (you should have kept score in your brain) then you should go to approach 2 (approach 1 could be skipped but its best you do them all.)
Approach 2: Observe
(Probably easier and harder then Approach 1) Easier because this is the silent observation, in which you skip friendship and you go to flirty (approach 3), but this is also harder because it will be harder to observe from afar. See how he acts with his guy friends and his female friends. When he is with his guy friends (don’t feel like a stalker this is strictly business at this point) does he participate in gay jokes and porn stories? Sports never count; gays can like sports, especially ones that are deep in the closet, they want to prove their straightness. But just observe how they react when a guy gets close, do they pull away slightly? (Afraid of the slightest homosexual encounter) That’s a positive, straight guys don’t care about that stuff like grabbing balls (that doesn’t make any sense to me). Do they laugh at the gay jokes but never tell them? That’s a positive. Negatives would be them talking about straight porn or having sex with their girlfriend (which means nothing but its still not helpful). And girls, do they flirt with them: like violence, (yes that’s flirting I don’t understand that either –straight people-) or the typical movie flirting (negatives of course). Are they friendly with every girl and have no obvious wish to be with one? (Positives).
Once you have done this and approach one, you can do them interchangeably, and if the positives still outweigh the negatives, ITS TIME TO FLIRT!!!
Approach 3: Flirt
(THE HARDEST) The question now is how do I flirt when I still don’t know? If you are his friend it should be much easier. I’d say going over to his house (not yours but you could invite him, but he’d be more comfortable at his), is the best place. He is alone with you in a familiar environment. This is where you have the best chance of flirting, because he doesn’t have other people around to monitor his reactions to you. NOW HOW DO I DO IT? When he takes you to his room (or you take him to yours) if you touch his stuff or pick something up, (he might get defensive if you make fun of it), you are now flirting mildly and he will not call you gay for it. Once he gets defensive he is flirting back and he doesn’t know it. Now you have to go with your gut as to what to do next, do you make him fight you for it? That’s not a bad idea; test the awkwardness (just make sure your buddy down below behaves lol). The awkwardness you would feel, I don’t have to tell anyone what it would feel like. Now that you’ve broken the awkward barrier you can talk about more personal things. Now back to the talking, here you can combine the gay joke and the girl lovin and ask “Are you gay?” What a nice phrase. He probably won’t call you gay, and this doesn’t mean he will answer truthfully. But you will know. PAY ATTENTION to his answer. How does he answer? Delayed (that’s positive, he isn’t sure) or really fast (that’s positive, he is really defensive), angrily (positive, he is mad you are questioning him) (and those were all no’s of some sort, or yes’s in which case you either have a joke or a real touchdown). If he answers by asking “are you?” that’s positive (some of this may seem commercial, like could only happen in a movie, but that’s not the case, I would say “are you?”. He is breaking the secretive barrier with all these reactions. If he reacts with any kind of no in a joking way, that’s a negative, he knows he is straight and is comfortable with it.
What do I do after he has broken the second barrier? DO NOT LET IT GO BACK TO SQUARE 1. You are about to hit touchdown, or you're almost to the "about to" point. The “are you?” is probably a touch down. Don’t say yes, but don’t say no, shrug and get close half jokingly so he doesn’t immediately shy away. Jokingly? Smile and act all gay, but when you get close enough he will either push you away in which case you protect yourself and say “just kidding I’m not” or if he is really gay, he wont stop you, but stop joking after your close enough to touch and he obviously isn’t going to go crazy, so he doesn’t get confused by what you're about to do. Lean in for the kiss, does he close his eyes (squints count)? Kissssss him!! :-* YAY TOUCHDOWN.
If it’s another of the positive reactions (these are yeses, we wouldn’t be here if he said a normal reaction “no”), take an additional first step. If it’s a joking answer, it's not game over! Come out to him. Test his reaction. Bad (He gets disgusted or he says that’s ok he doesn’t care) = take it back. Good (he looks shocked and gets nervous)= stand there and wait for him to come out to you. If he said yes not jokingly (unlikely) then you are about to touch first base, CONFIRM THIS, ask “really?” AND FOR ALL YES REACTIONS YOU SHOULD CONFIRM BTW!! If your not convinced, ask him to kiss you. If he does, kiss back.
Approach 2: Observe
Sexuality Guides