How to determine: Is he gay?
by Paris989
I’m sure we have all had this question on our mind at some point, or are currently wondering if someone else is gay or not. Gaydar or gut feeling is not enough. This is a guide on techniques you could try to determine if he is gay or not. Remember that everyone is different and we don't guarantee these approaches will work -but you can always try.
Approach 1: Befriend
(Most obvious) Become his friend. Once you’re his friend and he is comfortable talking to you, start GAY JOKES!!! lol, tell a gay joke and read his body language. Most super closet guys are either super comfortable with these or uncomfortable. Either he looks away for a second and gives a half reaction (this is a hint [positive point]) or he laughs like it’s the funniest thing ever and continues with it. IF he gives a normal reaction and just continues the joke that is a negative point. Another thing you can do is talk about sex or girls or something to test his sexuality, do this by talking about females (gross for some) and just observe his body language. If his looks down or away or shifts (this could be a negative or a positive) but that’s when you test what he says back. If he gives a forced laugh that’s a positive, and if he says something that the gay mind would never venture to that’s a negative.
Once these have been tried, if the positives outweigh the negatives (you should have kept score in your brain) then you should go to approach 2 (approach 1 could be skipped but its best you do them all.)
 Approach 2: Observe
(Probably easier and harder then Approach 1) Easier because this is the silent observation, in which you skip friendship and you go to flirty (approach 3), but this is also harder because it will be harder to observe from afar. See how he acts with his guy friends and his female friends. When he is with his guy friends (don’t feel like a stalker this is strictly business at this point) does he participate in gay jokes and porn stories? Sports never count; gays can like sports, especially ones that are deep in the closet, they want to prove their straightness. But just observe how they react when a guy gets close, do they pull away slightly? (Afraid of the slightest homosexual encounter) That’s a positive, straight guys don’t care about that stuff like grabbing balls (that doesn’t make any sense to me). Do they laugh at the gay jokes but never tell them? That’s a positive. Negatives would be them talking about straight porn or having sex with their girlfriend (which means nothing but its still not helpful). And girls, do they flirt with them: like violence, (yes that’s flirting I don’t understand that either –straight people-) or the typical movie flirting (negatives of course). Are they friendly with every girl and have no obvious wish to be with one? (Positives).
Once you have done this and approach one, you can do them interchangeably, and if the positives still outweigh the negatives, ITS TIME TO FLIRT!!!
Approach 3: Flirt
(THE HARDEST) The question now is how do I flirt when I still don’t know? If you are his friend it should be much easier. I’d say going over to his house (not yours but you could invite him, but he’d be more comfortable at his), is the best place. He is alone with you in a familiar environment. This is where you have the best chance of flirting, because he doesn’t have other people around to monitor his reactions to you. NOW HOW DO I DO IT? When he takes you to his room (or you take him to yours) if you touch his stuff or pick something up, (he might get defensive if you make fun of it), you are now flirting mildly and he will not call you gay for it. Once he gets defensive he is flirting back and he doesn’t know it. Now you have to go with your gut as to what to do next, do you make him fight you for it? That’s not a bad idea; test the awkwardness (just make sure your buddy down below behaves lol). The awkwardness you would feel, I don’t have to tell anyone what it would feel like. Now that you’ve broken the awkward barrier you can talk about more personal things. Now back to the talking, here you can combine the gay joke and the girl lovin and ask “Are you gay?” What a nice phrase. He probably won’t call you gay, and this doesn’t mean he will answer truthfully. But you will know. PAY ATTENTION to his answer. How does he answer? Delayed (that’s positive, he isn’t sure) or really fast (that’s positive, he is really defensive), angrily (positive, he is mad you are questioning him) (and those were all no’s of some sort, or yes’s in which case you either have a joke or a real touchdown). If he answers by asking “are you?” that’s positive (some of this may seem commercial, like could only happen in a movie, but that’s not the case, I would say “are you?”. He is breaking the secretive barrier with all these reactions. If he reacts with any kind of no in a joking way, that’s a negative, he knows he is straight and is comfortable with it.
What do I do after he has broken the second barrier? DO NOT LET IT GO BACK TO SQUARE 1. You are about to hit touchdown, or you're almost to the "about to" point. The “are you?” is probably a touch down. Don’t say yes, but don’t say no, shrug and get close half jokingly so he doesn’t immediately shy away. Jokingly? Smile and act all gay, but when you get close enough he will either push you away in which case you protect yourself and say “just kidding I’m not” or if he is really gay, he wont stop you, but stop joking after your close enough to touch and he obviously isn’t going to go crazy, so he doesn’t get confused by what you're about to do. Lean in for the kiss, does he close his eyes (squints count)? Kissssss him!! :-* YAY TOUCHDOWN.
If it’s another of the positive reactions (these are yeses, we wouldn’t be here if he said a normal reaction “no”), take an additional first step. If it’s a joking answer, it's not game over! Come out to him. Test his reaction. Bad (He gets disgusted or he says that’s ok he doesn’t care) = take it back. Good (he looks shocked and gets nervous)= stand there and wait for him to come out to you. If he said yes not jokingly (unlikely) then you are about to touch first base, CONFIRM THIS, ask “really?” AND FOR ALL YES REACTIONS YOU SHOULD CONFIRM BTW!! If your not convinced, ask him to kiss you. If he does, kiss back.
Now you know. Good luck.
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Going Through Puberty -Girls |
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Puberty Stages -Girls
When does puberty begin in girls
In girls puberty begins on average at age 10. However these changes can develop as early as 8 years or as late as 13 years old. Puberty generally starts earlier for girls than it does for boys. This is why many girls are taller and may act more mature than boys for a few years until the boys catch up.
The following are some of the changes girls go through during puberty:
Breast development
This is the first sign of puberty in girls. Breasts usually begin to develop as small, tender bumps under one or both nipples that will get bigger over the next few years. It is not unusual for one breast to develop before the other and thus be larger than the other. When a girl first notices the lump beneath one nipple, she might worry that this is not normal or a sign of a serious medical problem. Girls need to be reassured that this part of normal breast development. In some young girls, breasts begin to develop relatively early and this may lead them to feel embarrassed and self-conscious. However, wearing loose-fitting clothing can disguise early breast development. A "training bra" may be used if the girl feels the need.
Weight Gain
There is weight gain, particularly on the hips. This does not mean the girl has to start a diet to lose weight. In fact it would be unhealthy if some weight was not gained. It just means that you are getting a womanly shape. Just continue to eat healthy foods and get regular exercise.
Body Size
During puberty, significant growth occurs which usually peaks about two years after the beginning of puberty. Arms, legs, hands, and feet may grow faster than the rest of the body. Until the rest of her body catches up, the developing adolescent may feel a little clumsier than usual. Although boys and girls are generally of similar height during middle childhood, that changes with the beginning of puberty. In junior high school, girls are often taller than boys, but with time, boys catch up and usually surpass girls in terms of height.
Skin
The adolescent's skin tends to get more oily and and may begin to sweat more. This is because the skin's oil and sweat glands are growing as well. It is important that growing teenagers wash every day to keep their skin clean and use a deodorant or antiperspirant. Almost all teenagers get acne at one time or another.
Menstruation
Menstruation usualy begins sometime between 9 and 16 years of age, about two years after the onset of puberty. On average, the first period occurs just before 13. A period is the vaginal bleeding that women usually experience at regular intervals of about a month from puberty to menopause (the end of periods that, on average, occurs in the early 50s). Periods are also called menstruation. You may get some whitish jelly from your vagina before or in between periods. Don't worry it's just your body's way of cleaning itself.
Why do women have periods?
Periods are a part of the menstrual cycle that happens roughly every month to prepare a woman's body to have a baby. Once a month or so, one of the eggs from the ovary matures and travels into the Fallopian tubes. These tubes propel the egg along towards the uterus (the womb), in the hope of meeting a sperm and becoming fertilized to become an embryo. If fertilized, the egg then continues its way along the tube and becomes implanted (embedded) in the uterus where it develops into a foetus. In this way, the woman becomes pregnant. The lining of the uterus builds up to become cushion-like and engorged with blood. If the egg is not fertilized, the womb sheds this blood-filled lining, and this bleeding is what we call a period.
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How to Talk About Being Gay |
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Talking About Sexuality
How to talk about being gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans
We get a lot of email to Ask Chad from teens who want to talk to friends about being gay or lesbian or bisexual or transgender. In some case they want to tell their friend they are GLBT. Sometimes they want to know if a friend is. The really hard part is deciding how to bring the subject up.
Here are our suggestions
- Bring up the subject casually by asking if they have crush on anyone. You could try asking who they think is cute. Talking about celebrities or people you both know can open the topic without giving away that you are gay.
- Bring up the gay issue with them. Try to pick a current topic for discussion by asking them what they think of gay marriage or gays in the military or similar item. From their answers you will be able to get an idea if they are homophobic or not.
- It's safe to talk about celebrities. Ask if they watch some current tv program with gay or lesbian characters. Talk about the show and watch how your friend responds. For example, if there is a news story about female celebrities kissing ask if your friend has ever or would consider kissing another girl.
- Speak up and let people know how you feel. If someone tells a gay joke, make a point of saying that you don't think it was funny. If someone calls someone else a "fag" or says something disrespectful about gays, b sure to stand up for them.
- Is there someone in your school or circle of friends that is gay, lesbian or bisexual? If so, mention that person's name and see how you friend reacts.
- Not getting anywhere with the above steps? You my decide it's time to be more blunt by asking the big question, "Are you ……?" or hint that you've been thinking about another guy or girl as the case may be. Also be prepared that they may turn the question around to your own sexuality.
- In all the above relax and remain cool. Discussing sexual orientation can be very stressful so think about it carefully before you begin.
Tips:
- Don't press the subject if you see your friend is uncomfortable. Drop it and change the subject.
- Don't just ask someone about their sexual orientation unless you are good friends with them.
- Chose the right time and place for the conversation. Someplace private where you cannot be overheard and are not likely to be interrupted is important.
- Start without admitting your orientation. Instead of saying, "I'm gay (or lesbian)," try "I think I might be gay (or lesbian)." Instead of asking your friend if he is gay. Ask, "Have you ever felt attracted to another boy?" This is easier on your friend and doesn't broadcast that you think he is definitely gay.
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Going Through Puberty -Boys |
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Puberty Stages -Boys
Five Stages of Puberty for Boys
1. Normal Age Range: 9-12, Average: about 10
Male hormones are becoming active, but there are very little, if any, outside signs of development. The testicles are maturing, and some boys start a period of rapid growth late in this stage.
2. Normal Age Range: 9-15, Average: 12-13
The testicles and scrotum begin to enlarge, but the penis size doesn't increase much. Very little, if any, pubic hair is evident at the base of the penis. There is an increase in height and a change in body shape.
3. Normal Age Range: 11-16, Average: 13-14
The penis starts to grow in length, but not much in width. The testicles and scrotum are still growing. Pubic hair begins to get darker and coarser and is spreading towards the legs. Height growth continues and body/face shape look more adult. The voice begins to deepen and often cracks. Some hair grows around the anus.
4. Normal Age Range: 11-17, Average: 14-15
The penis width increases, as well as the length. The testicles and scrotum continue growing. The pubic hair begins to take adult texture, although it covers a smaller area. Most boys have their first ejaculations. Underarm hair begins to develop. Facial hair increases on the chin and upper lip. The voice gets deeper and the skin gets more oily.
5. Normal Age Range: 14-18, Average: around 16
The body is approaching full adult height and physique. The pubic hair and genitals have an adult appearance. Facial hair grows more completely and shaving may begin now or soon. During the late teens and early twenties, some men grow a bit more and develop more body hair, especially chest hair.
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Sexuality Guides
